The Criticism You’re Avoiding Might Be the Confirmation You Need
Why the Feedback That Hurts Could Be Proof You’re Doing Something Right
If Jesus got criticized, what makes you think you won’t?
The most effective leaders I know aren’t the ones surrounded by yes-men. They’re the ones who’ve learned how to navigate resistance without losing sight of where they’re called to go.
Criticism isn’t always a signal to change direction. Sometimes, it’s the confirmation that you’re finally doing something that matters.
I’ve worked with enough leaders (business owners, pastors, founders, and executives) to see the same pattern play out again and again. They think their job is to please everyone. But the moment they start moving the mission forward, the criticism shows up louder, sharper, and more personal.
This isn’t failure. It’s part of the assignment.
Criticism Can Be the Gate of Meaningful Work
You can’t lead anything that matters and not face resistance. It comes with the territory.
If your leadership is creating disruption, challenging norms, or moving people toward growth, you’re going to agitate someone. Most of the time, that someone won’t tell you directly. They’ll talk around you, about you, and occasionally at you.
And in those moments, your job isn’t to prove them wrong. It’s to lead from a place of clarity instead of insecurity.
Before we talk about strategy, let’s talk about Scripture.
“When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became angry and was greatly incensed. He ridiculed the Jews… and in the presence of his associates and the army of Samaria, he said, ‘What are those feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices?’
So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their heart.” — Nehemiah 1-3, 6 NIV
Don’t miss this.
Nehemiah didn’t start getting attacked until the work started getting traction.
That’s how it works.
Criticism doesn’t mean you’re off-mission. Often, it’s the proof that the mission is working. And if your mindset isn’t ready for it, you’ll misinterpret opposition as failure instead of confirmation.
What Criticism Actually Reveals
Here’s the truth most leaders miss: critics reveal more about themselves than they do about you.
Nehemiah’s enemies didn’t attack because they had a better plan. They attacked because they saw progress. They mocked the workers, questioned their competence, and tried to undermine their momentum. But the wall kept going up.
That’s the tension of leadership. As your impact increases, so does the noise.
If you’re not careful, you’ll start internalizing opinions that were never rooted in truth.
Criticism often comes from:
Unmet personal expectations
Insecurity about change
Bitterness from past disappointments
People outside the work trying to manage what they don’t understand
Your job isn’t to absorb all of that. Your job is to discern what’s real, what’s useful, and what’s just noise.
How to Filter Criticism Without Becoming Defensive
One of the greatest lessons in leadership I ever learned was this: Not every critic deserves your energy. But some do.
That’s why every mature leader needs a framework to process critique without getting derailed by it.
Here’s a practical 3-filter system that I’ve learned to apply to my own leadership:
1. Relationship
Does the person giving the feedback know you or just know of you? Are they inside your world or just watching from a distance?
2. Contribution
Have they contributed to your mission in any meaningful way? Are they committed to your success or just showing up when there’s something to criticize?
3. Perspective
Do they have experience in what they’re critiquing? Do they understand the weight and complexity of the decisions you’re making?
If a voice doesn’t pass at least one of those filters, you can note it without absorbing it. That’s not arrogance. That’s stewardship.
Remember: Nehemiah didn’t stop to argue with Sanballat. He kept building.
Reputation Is Optional. Character Is Not.
Every leader has to choose what they’re protecting: their reputation or their character.
Reputation is what people say about you.
Character is what God knows about you.
Reputation can get attacked in a viral comment. Character is proven in how you lead the next day anyway.
Nehemiah’s enemies questioned his motives, mocked his methods, and tried to incite fear. But his character wasn’t rooted in their approval. He wasn’t leading to be liked. He was leading because God had given him an assignment.
That clarity made him immovable.
The same is true for you. If your identity is anchored in who God says you are, you can keep leading even when critics raise their voices.
4 Healthy Ways to Process Criticism Without Losing Momentum
Here’s how high-capacity leaders build a rhythm for healthy response:
1: The 24-Hour Rule
Don’t respond right away. When the emotion hits, pause. Let it settle before you evaluate the feedback. Some things aren’t worth your next breath.
I’ve had to learn this in my preaching. So often, people have emotional responses to what’s being said and will immediately attack things that may lead to conviction.
In the past, I’ve felt the urge to immediately defend my words. I’ve since learned to stop, reset, and run the criticism through the filters above.
2: The Trusted Voices
Run criticism through your inner circle. These are people who know you well, care about your development, and have nothing to gain by flattering you.
Ask them:
“Is there truth in this?”
“Have you seen this pattern in me?”
“How would you respond if this were directed at you?”
The key here is to make sure that your inner circle understand they’re not there to just build your ego, but to truly identify when criticism is warranted and when it’s not.
3: Separate the Message From the Messenger
Sometimes helpful feedback comes from difficult people. And sometimes loving people say misguided things.
Don’t dismiss the message because you don’t like the messenger. Don’t accept the message just because you like them either. Evaluate both separately.
4: Track Patterns Over Time
One person’s opinion is feedback. Multiple people saying the same thing is usually data.
If the same issue keeps surfacing, pay attention. God may be trying to mature something in you through repetition.
Why Meaningful Work Always Attracts Resistance
If what you're building doesn't threaten the status quo, it probably won’t be criticized. But if you’re disrupting comfort, introducing truth, or leading people toward growth, opposition is inevitable.
Nehemiah wasn’t attacked because his idea was weak. He was attacked because his leadership was working.
“They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it. But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat.” — Nehemiah 4:8–9 (NIV)
They prayed. And they posted a guard.
That’s leadership: spiritual sensitivity and practical readiness. You stay aware of the threat without obsessing over it. You protect the work without losing progress.
Criticism isn’t a sign to back down. It’s often a sign to build smarter.
Your team watches how you handle criticism more than how you handle praise.
If you spiral every time you’re misunderstood, they learn to lead from insecurity. If you get defensive, they learn to silence feedback. If you throw your critic under the bus publicly, they learn fear and not trust.
But if you process calmly, own what’s real, and keep moving forward, you create a culture where:
Mistakes can be admitted
Hard truths can be spoken
Feedback doesn’t feel fatal
We call this extreme ownership in the organizations that I’ve led. Being willing to own what’s real, what’s yours and what’s controllable.
Nehemiah’s response shaped his team’s response. The people “worked with all their heart” because their leader stayed focused and faithful even while arrows of criticism were flying.
You don’t have to like the criticism to lead through it. You just have to outlast it.
How to Build Resilience Against Criticism
So, let’s talk about how to put all of this into practice when the feedback starts coming in:
1. Create a Written Feedback Filter
When you receive a critical message, email, or comment, pause and ask:
Is this rooted in truth, or just tone?
Does this person have proximity, investment, or perspective?
What part of this feedback can make me better?
Write it out. Seeing it on paper helps detach emotion from evaluation.
2. Strengthen Your Feedback Culture Intentionally
Don’t just be someone who “accepts feedback.” Create a system that invites it.
Schedule quarterly 360 feedback for yourself. Invite those directly involved with you daily to give input here.
Create intentional team debriefs following important moments or projects where your team can share what went wrong and right.
Model humility in real time. When you miss something, say so publicly.
The strongest leaders are the ones who model growth first.
3. Memorize One Anchor Verse
Choose a verse that reminds you of who you are and what you’ve been called to build. When criticism hits, you won’t always have time to open your journal. You need truth in your head and your spirit.
I know this step isn’t necessarily a practical “leadership” step, but it’s probably the most important one.
The greatest risk to your leadership is an insecure identity.
Nehemiah’s team kept praying and building. Their identity wasn’t based on the approval of critics, it was grounded in the clarity of God’s assignment.
Let Scripture become your default setting, not the opinions of others. It will FREE you of a lot.
4. Schedule Time to Review, Fix What Needs Fixed, Then Let It Go
One of the best leadership disciplines you can develop is processing feedback on a schedule. It keeps you from reacting too fast or carrying criticism for too long.
Every Friday, review what came your way that week:
What stung more than it should have?
What critique do I need to take action on?
What do I need to leave behind?
Every week, our team answers these questions:
What needs celebrated because it went well?
What needs improved because it didn’t go as well as it could have?
What needs fixed because if we don’t address it can create a bigger problem?
What needs clarified to ensure we’re all on the same page?
If it’s not helping you grow, it’s not worth carrying.
Let me know which step above you’ll take this week to start handling feedback better.
Lead Based on God’s Direction, Not People’s Approval
You don’t need every critic to understand your vision. You just need the discipline to stay faithful to it.
Nehemiah didn’t gather his enemies for a roundtable. He kept building. And when the wall was finished, his critics didn’t disappear but they were silenced by the evidence of fruit.
That’s the kind of leadership God is calling you to.
So here’s the challenge: the next time criticism comes, slow down. Filter it through truth. Look for what can make you better. And then keep building anyway.
Because the leader who listens to every critic will never finish the assignment.
But the leader who learns from what’s useful and, moves beyond the rest, builds something that outlasts every attack.
Let that be you, leader.
Be blessed this week,
—Jared